I can't seem to sleep cause I miss you too much, or at least that's the excuse I use every time I have trouble falling asleep. I don't know how much you still read my blog but I really hope you do get to read this since you'll probably be the only one that knows why I'm writing this. Remember the day I asked if you knew what I thought of you? All you said was you had no clue but it didn't matter cause I'd love you anyways. That is true... for now >.>. COUGH COUGH =). But I just wanted you to know how I really felt about you. Since words can't truly describe how I feel I'll try to the best of my abilities. And while you are reading this don't tell me I'm BSing you because I am not.
Let's start off with your strengths and why I love you as a friend. Not only have you changed who I am and made me super out going waking up every morning knowing I was your friend was enough to keep a smile on my face throughout all of high school. A high school of 1500 kids, I was definitely one that wasn't quite that popular. I was a loser geek loner who everyone thought was super awkward. Now keep in mind this was in Grade 11 when I met you. The way we met shall not be spoken of since I am not very fond of the topic and he was one of the only people I have EVER heard you speak ill of. I was actually very cautious about becoming your friend because I thought you'd be just another one of them. I had been bullied and tormented by the popular kids for many years and I was plunged into darkness, but you were the light that brought me back. Slowly I grew fond of trying to make you laugh and I took my role as the court jester cause it seemed to make people tolerate me just a little bit better. You were probably the best thing that had ever happened to me. My only friends before you were Lan, Skye, and Pwner. But you changed my life entirely and I realized that if someone as amazing as you could settle for a friend like me maybe I wasn't completely hopeless. Of course now I do not think I am worthless since you gave my life value, but I will never wake up regretting the moment I met you.
This is definitely going to be a long post since I only said one of the points I wanted to mention... LOLS. It's hard to believe we've actually become best friends since never in a million years would I think that I would have such a cool awesome friend like you. You are so super down to earth and mature. You understand the more mature concepts that I seem to engage. Nothing is gained without suffering. I went through a lot in high school struggling with my disease and you had your fair bit of life's dark side as well. Most people I talk to will listen to what I am saying but not understand. However, you are very well spoken and understand whole heartedly everything that seems to go on with my life. You act immature whenever you can and can understand the mature concepts. You not only understand life, but you understand me ever so well. You have have always been and forever will be the only one who can see through my empty smiles. Both of us knowing how hard it is to frown in front of another individual. You have been the only person that has made me feel like I am not alone on this gigantic planet, like maybe miracles do exist. With us being so similar, I could not help but love you for everything you are. Wow that sounded a bit conceited but you understand what I meant hopefully.
We've also been through many other tough times together. You've given me the reason to write and the reason to love. This blog, those letters and postcards, were all for you. On a side note, don't ever feel like you are making me wait by telling me about a surprise that has yet to come. That is all that has ever made my life interesting, waiting for you... and I will always be waiting for you =). I never told you this but you were also my idol. I make fun of you all the time so I would feel like we were somehow on the same level, but we are not. I admire you with all my heart because you can do everything I can not. You can dance, sing, and fall in love with only good results. You always make me try my best so that I can feel like I have something to compare to your achievements. The art I do, the pool skills I have required, were all somehow an indirect result of me wanting to seem worthy of being your friend. Now I know by now you want to hit me over the head with a block of wood cause you think I'm being stupid but this is really what I feel. It's not that bad it's not like I directly said I don't deserve you, I just think that I sometimes envy you in some way or another. I can't believe pool and art were the only two skills I could really list... LOLS wow short resume.
You also were the first one to put me ahead of anyone else. You made sure I was acknowledged even when you were surround by many other guys that were if not a hundred times cooler or better looking than me. You always made me feel alive and I think that you are proof enough of my existence and I hope I live forever in your heart and mind. Hope that didn't sound creepy I meant that in a friendly non-creeper kind of way. Knowing you, you'd tell me I was a freak or something mean but don't bother because I know you are just kidding. OH! The last thing I love about you is that you can take a joke the way I want it to be taken. A lot of girls can take it and just laugh, but even more get pissed off and think I'm mean. You however are able to retaliate and I value that above many other attributes like your extreme whole heartedness, loving caring inner voice, and your wonderful smile. It is actually the thing I look for the most in a girl because I think it is the cutest if they are super witty.
Now for your faults. I know the bottom of this blog is near, because you don't really have any faults. I would sound like a jackass if I said I hated how pretty you were. But I sometimes really do. It is hard to talk to you sometimes when six other guys try to claw all over you making me feel close to insignificant. You make it hard to talk to you when you know everyone in the room is looking at the person you are talking to. Not to mention all the people that thought I was stalking or following you. I do love how pretty you are though don't get me wrong... your smile makes my heart skip a beat... I just wished that I could keep you all to myself from the rest of the world, which is super selfish but what can I say. I also want you to be more selfish because you put too many people above your own needs and it sometimes makes you unhappy. I want you to smile forever because your smile is worth more to me than anything else in the whole entire world.
Song that reminds me of you: Taylor Swift - Untouchable
down to earth~
