My chocolate milk lunch~

As we all know I've been uber busy with school and work, so I haven't been able to blog or do anything of the sort. Almost no time to interact or even think about anything that goes around me. But the keyword is almost. With whatever time I have left, while I lie in bed, and every time I stop to think, I miss you. Without realizing it, I've lost the feeling of you there. I can no longer hear your voice or see your smile. Whenever I'm on the go and have nothing to eat during short lunch breaks, I drink chocolate milk. Can chocolate milk really be the only remaining link between us?

I've always said you were the reason for me to wake up, but what's my motivation now? My daily life here has somewhat become unappealing. At least when I was in high school I had fun from time to time. Being a small fish in a big ocean is really tough on a minority, which is me. Being one of two Asian dudes in an entire building puts a lot of strain on me. Not to mention being around all white dudes means that I'm actually average height here. It isn't that I'm alone here, since I have a bunch of really nice friends, and a bunch of Asian work friends from my work place. But I do not feel the same type of connection I did with those in Toronto. I became awesome friends with a bunch of you because I felt compelled to be there for you. In London however, no one really sparks my interest so I do not try nearly as hard to make close friends.

Drinking my chocolate milk I've realized that we are all heading in different directions. Many things will become unacceptable once we've become older and more mature. I am not scared of change, I just do not wish for it to happen. Will I be able to hug you the same way? Joke around and compliment you the same way? Being away for so long without seeing any familiar faces has led me to one conclusion. I've never really had a stable life style. In Toronto, I may have been a jolly joker who Photoshopped and played sports and watched cartoons all day. I have done none of those things here. If my lifestyle really were as concrete as I had thought then I would have retained those habits one way or another. In London, I've become a workaholic and school boy. Maybe it's because I know if I work hard enough, I'll be able to stop missing you. Even if it's only for a second it'll be worth it. The lesson of the day will be that uncertainty is a flaw, but a defence mechanism.

Currently listening to: Kill Hannah - Believer

down to earth~