Sometimes I think I want to be mad or upset with you but I never am. You don't ever message me or email me or even text me and I know I spend more effort into this friendship than you do. I should be mad but I'm not. Being mad at you could be the only selfish thing I could do but that doesn't change anything. I guess I can't be mad at you because I care about you too much. So instead I'm mad at myself. For being so pathetic and caring so much about someone who doesn't give a minute in her day to say hi.

The Cape.

Started watching a new TV show today called the cape. It's pretty cool and it's pretty awesome. Upon returning to London for school, I spent the entire day cleaning and rearranging my room. It looks great and things seem to be looking up. Had a whole lot of alone time to do some reading and watch my shows. This reflects much of how I'll be spending the next semester.

Back.

No matter how many times I try to drop using this I always come back to it. It seems like I really just need a place to vent all my psychobabble so that the rest of the world doesn't have to endure such a cruel fate. I hate it I just hate it so much. I hate not being able to be who I want to be in order to make others more content with my decisions. It was no wonder I always found so much more comfort in my shows and my books. They never judged me. But now that I'm left fighting this battle by myself I plea for one thing. I just hope she comes home. Oh dear I do miss her so much. Ashton of course. She left to go to Hong Kong to pursue her dreams as a model after she won the Miss Toronto Chinese Pageant. She keeps moving forward but I still feel like I'm standing still. Why is that? The only thing I am certain of at the moment is that I would rather bury my face in a book than have to deal with another person. Things just aren't look too bright for me. I miss you Ashton Hong, but that won't change a single thing......